In this episode of The Muslimi Experience, guest Shaykh Shabbir Hassan joins Boonaa Mohammed for a candid conversation about love, marriage, and the need for self-awareness before entering a lifelong commitment. As a marriage officiant who has conducted over 600 nikahs, Shabbir brings firsthand insights into what makes relationships work—and what often tears them apart.
One of the central points Shaykh Shabbir emphasizes is that you can never be fully “ready” for marriage. Much like parenthood, marriage is a journey that unfolds in real time. What matters most isn’t perfection, but positioning yourself with emotional, spiritual, and financial maturity. He urges young Muslims to focus less on finding “the one” and more on understanding who they are before committing to someone else.
Compatibility Over Chemistry
While modern narratives often place love and attraction at the center of marriage, Shabbir argues that compatibility is far more important than feelings. Drawing on Islamic tradition and contemporary research, he notes that infatuation usually fades within two years. What lasts are shared values, aligned life goals, and character. “Love is not a good foundation for marriage on its own,” he says. “Compatibility is what sustains it.”
He also warns against romanticizing marriage through social media and cultural fantasies. “It’s not all flowers and Instagram-worthy dates,” he says. “It’s responsibility, patience, and continuous effort.”
Know Yourself Before You Commit
Shabbir highlights self-awareness as the starting point for a healthy marriage. Whether it’s recognizing your own temper, stubbornness, or emotional triggers, knowing your strengths and flaws can prevent long-term damage. “Marriage doesn’t fix you. If anything, it exposes the parts of you that still need work,” he explains.
He shares practical tools to build this awareness: solitude, honest reflection, and mentorship. Without these, many enter marriage blind to their own red flags and unprepared to grow through them.
The Role of Intention and Mentorship
Intention in Islam is foundational. Shabbir stresses that people should ask themselves, Why am I getting married? If the answer is superficial, like escaping loneliness or living out a fantasy, the relationship is more likely to fall apart. He advises prospective couples to involve family, mentors, and elders early on. “Your love for someone can blind you,” he says. “That’s why you need people you trust to help you see clearly.”
Marriage is not the solution to personal problems; it’s a test, a partnership, and a sacred responsibility. As Shabbir puts it, marriage should make you happier, not fix your unhappiness.